Which athletes would you like in your group during a zombie apocalypse?
by Radio Joe,posted Oct 23 2012 12:46PM
Of all the shows I’ve grown up watching, The Walking Dead might be the most addicting show I’ve ever seen. In honor of The Walking Dead returning to TV this fall, I thought it would be fun to mix zombies with sports. Which three athletes would you want in your group during a zombie apocalypse? To make it interesting, I chose one from football, one from basketball, and one from baseball.
Yes, I really thought this through…
If you know anything about the Packers, you know what kind of person Clay Matthews is. He’s mean, aggressive, explosive, and out of control on the football field. Now, put that man in a zombie apocalypse setting. Clay has the strength to rip off a decrepit zombie’s head with his bare hands (just don’t get bit). Throwing his weight around, Clay can pack a serious death blow to any zombie that wants to test him for his flesh. We all know his agility and speed is impressive to say the least; he can get himself out of trouble and/or save others before an area gets overrun.
Now, strap some knives, axes, hammers, and GUNS to this guy. Clay would make Arnold Schwarzenegger look like a string bean. He is your ultimate weapon. If he gets swarmed by a zombie herd, Clay will not fall to his death without pulling the pin on a hand grenade and taking the herd with him. Believe me, he’s not going to want zombies eating that prized muscle mass he’s worked so hard for.
The one concern that could put the group in danger is the hair. If a zombie pulls at his hair, Clay could be out of commission. I would recommend that he cuts his hair ASAP. However, I compare him to the great biblical judge Samson in the Old Testament. When Delilah cut his hair, Samson lost his strength. I hope that’s not the case, though, with Mr. Clay.
Why the hell him?
Well, I did some research, and sources say that Shane Battier is one of the smartest players in the NBA. The man is a strong defender and a proven leader in the locker-room. He knows the game of basketball very well. If the zombie apocalypse became the real deal, Shane could lead our group in the right direction. He’d probably be the guy to come up with some strategic ideas to stay away from zombies, or take refuge in a place where he knows we’re going to be safe. When our group has to make tough decisions in order to survive, Shane will always have the final call. He also has a ton of class towards others. I think his heart will come into play for every decision he has to make.
Look, we know he’s not a scorer in the NBA; however, he’s an expert on defense. With that being said, if Shane defends well on the basketball court, who says he can’t defend us in a zombie apocalypse? From a physical and mental standpoint, I already feel safer with this guy around.
You’re probably asking yourself, ‘It’s your group, Radio Joe. Shouldn’t you be the leader?’ Would a group of badass athletes want to take orders from a 22 year old kid? I didn’t think so.
Trout led the Majors this season in stolen bases (one short of 50). Obviously, I would like Trout in this group particularly because of his speed and his young, ripe age of 21. Of the three players I chose, I’d trust Trout to be the guy to get whatever supplies we need in an area overrun by zombies. Armed with a Louisville Slugger, Trout could easily maneuver his way in and out of an area without drawing attention from the zombie herd. We could also use him as a scout. Trout would be able to supply us a visual map of uncharted areas. If we’re being attacked, Trout would be a valuable weapon to take down zombies.
No insult to Clay Matthews. Clay is a speedster like Trout. I’m afraid Clay would go out if his way, though, to kill a couple of zombies just for pleasure, when that’s not the clear objective. A little taller and about 50 pounds heavier than Trout, Clay is clearly the bigger badass of the two. Trout, however, strikes me as someone that can constantly keep his cool (especially for a 21 year old), even if the group is in trouble. In his early baseball career, Trout has acted pretty humble towards the media. Unlike some other youngsters in professional sports, Trout knows his talents, but he still has a lot to learn. The tasks would surely challenge his abilities, but he also knows that if he can accomplish those challenging tasks, it will benefit the rest of the group. We need a team player, and Mike Trout is just that. Trout’s counterpart, Bryce Harper, would be too cocky and arrogant to handle in our group. He’d probably disagree with everything Shane Battier has to say. Harper would want to be the leader, and then get us all killed…That’s a clown decision, bro.